Monday, March 23, 2009

The death of facebook

Facebook used to be cool. I remember my introduction to the vaunted social networking site five years ago. Sitting alone at a computer signed under a friend's screen name, I sifted through the names of the members of facebook. I laughed when I saw shared interests, I cringed when I found out they liked Julia Roberts movies. Something so fresh, so simple yet so clever arroused my interests for nearly 30 minutes. Finally, I was determined to join this social phenomena. Facebook was just a neat little clubhouse of cool friends and some very hot chicks. As a new member, I was shocked to see how many friend requests were waiting for me at any given time. For instance, 18 friend requests. 18 friends? I didn't even know 18 people could stand my company. This was hot. This was new. I felt like I was on the ground floor. Then?

Facebook lost that special unique trait of being so widely accepted and loved yet celebrated by only a few special souls. The people who needed this were associated with this, cloistered and protected against the outsiders. Kind of like Mercedes drivers, this was a special club. Then, the douchebags took hold of facebook. Douchebags with their drunken profile picks, how they loved every type of music out there, and their frequent spelling errors. For example, "I handdnt red booooks in yrrrs. " Facebook had no luster to me once I discovered that the douchebags of my life, either known or unknown, had captured this once sacred land and pillaged it to the point of no return. When tragedy happens, we don't think of how to make the best of it. We inevitably think, "What could we have done to prevent this?" Hindsight being 20/20, we come up with plans on top plans. But that doesn't change the fact that things will never be the same.

I sure do hate my life. I wonder how much facebook had to do with it. Without it, I might have continued my worthless career and educational pursuits. I might have picked up a book. But, I sure did meet some neat people. People who love sports like Che and his brother. I also befriended some very hot chicks. Sports and hot chicks. Is there a better social set? I think not. But, I should have known this during my junior and senior years.

Don't ever hang out with the shadow people. Don't ever hang out in bars and expect to find true love. Nothing good ever happened in a bar and nothing good ever happened at 2 AM. I am living proof of this. In Babs' 2006 Fantasy football draft, I drafted Edgerrin James with the sixth overall pick. The location of this calamity was the old number one in Morris. I will always equate west central MN with failure and I will always equate that bar with 3 points per week from my first round pick. Wait, it wasn't the old number one. What was the name of that bar by the diamond supper club? Oh damn, this will drive me crazy.


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