Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Cheerleading is a real sport. No really!

I recently saw the movie Fired up and quite frankly, laughed my ass off. It was a hilarious and rewarding montage of frat boy joke after joke. The rapport between the two friends is a lot like how I wish my rapport was with my friends, if I had anyway. But anywho, it sparked a curious debate. Is this movie actually a sports movie? Furthermore, is it funnier than Knocked up.

For the sake of sequence, I'll tackle the latter first. Knocked up was by far, one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Every moment was excruciating. The jokes were nothing more than recycled stoner humor mingled with awkward drama that reminded me of the worst Degrassi high episode I have ever seen. I know that I will piss off a ton of people, but Knocked up was about as funny to me as the last five minutes of There will be blood.

Fired up though, was funny. The sequencing was fantastic; every joke landed in its own special way. The supporting characters were splendid. The Queen B rival cheerleader (played so well by Anna Lynne Mccord, Elisha Cuthbert's replacement on my hottest girls of all time list) hissed and flashed her claws in such an expert, cinemitic manner. I am more than forgiving of the casting of the two male leads and their advanced age. This was a fun, highly enjoyable laughfest that yes, put Knocked up to shame.

I need to see more movies liked Fired up. Everyone right now is in such a shitty mood. Now more than ever, we need to see funny movies instead of massively soul-sucking depressing movies. For example, I followed my own expert advice in seeing Fired up. I thought about seeing Slumdog Millionaire, but figured that real life was plenty depressing and I didn't need to see Slumdog Millionaire. Seeing a movie should be pure, escapist fun sprinkled in with fantasy. I'd sure love to put my football pads on and play football with the option of going to cheerleading camp with 300 hotties. But, I digress.

If Nascar is a real sport, (and with all of the network attention to it, for better or worse, it kind of is now), then by golly, so is cheerleading. Just think about it. Cheerleaders are athletes. These lovely ladies need to be quick, yet possess the staying power of endurance; be light, yet have such wiry strength; and finally, the need to reach deep down and deliver their best even when circumstances (like their shitty team getting their ass kicked) dictate otherwise. I know a few cheerleaders but a tiny fraction of them can be designated as loyal cheerleaders. If you want to see the difference between suburban cheerleaders and cheerleaders in the sticks, then I have a mental exercise for you; Close your eyes and think of the Florida vs. Alabama SEC title game. Then, think a division 3 football game. That is the difference, the honest to god truth of it. Perception and execution-wise.

This was a fun exercise. Going over my last post, I either lied or can't do math. It wasn't 2 years since my last post, it was 3 years. Do you ever get the feeling that your life just blends together? I do. Every year after college is basically like one year to me; 2000-suckathon. I can recall sports championships and Rookie of the year awards for a single year, but when it comes to remembering when certain dates of employment begin and end of when weddings really took place, then I am just as worthless as Peter Griffin was at ..............(family guy cutaway). But seriously, I can't remember names or dates. Maybe because I am getting old. As a kid, did you think that being big would be the best thing ever? Did you just wish you could fast forward all of those (*#*%&#*& elementary school cursive lessons because being big would be super? Well, me too and I'll be honest, I would just cuss that bastard out. Everything about being older sucks. I know nothing ever works out the way we thought it would, but come on! As we as we speaking now, my foot hurts like a mother you know what and I have a hammering in my head that won't stop for a minute.


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